Different.

Galatians 3:26-4:7
You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise. What I am saying is that as long as the heir is a child, he is no different from a slave, although he owns the whole estate. He is subject to guardians and trustees until the time set by his father. So also, when we were children, we were in slavery under the basic principles of the world. But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

Our pastor is preaching through Galatians right now, and this was the passage from this last week. I wanted to blog about this a little because for me it represents a turn in my thinking over the past 10 years. I grew up pretty much doing the right things, getting the good grades, being the good kid, etc. At heart, I am a perfectionist. I value things being done "right". And if you can't do something right, please get out of my way so that I can do it right. And if I can't do it right (mostly b/c I've never tried it before and don't want to fail at it) then I will ignore it or procrastinate so long that I'm nauseous at the thought of having to do it. Ah, a glimpse in the thinking of child/teenage/20 something Becca.
Somethings happened @ 10 years ago. I don't know that it was any one thing so I'll need to say somethings. I can definitely point to markers along the way that showed me how God was changing my perspective. But only in the last few years have I truly believed that my thinking about God and how he thinks about me has really changed.
David (pastor) mentioned on Sunday that people who don't get this passage can live a very productive, "Christian", charitable, even admirable life all the while seeing themselves as nothing more than a servant (paraphrase). I'm not against a servant heart and actions that show the love of Christ, but somehow I missed that definition of servant. I was thinking servant as slave. I am a slave. I must do everything my master tells me to do to the best of my ability and then God will come in and give me grace for where I didn't get it right (even though that really makes Him sad to do so - I'll try harder next time, God), and then maybe God will bless me (with things I don't deserve and might not really even want, but I'll be grateful b/c after all I'm lucky that He's even doing anything in my life right now based on the way that I've let Him down).
Still reading? Ready to call me with a list of scripture and a good round of advice on how not to feel this way? People have tried it on me, and I've tried it on them. Well intentioned, loving people who really wanted me to get how God feels about me. They really did. I really do now for others. But I'm afraid that many times all people hear me say is "do this, do that, don't do this, think this way, don't think that way." I'm sorry. That's not my heart for you.
If I could pinpoint one catalyst that has changed my thinking about God it's the realization that God really loves me. Duh! Didn't you learn John 3:16 as a kid? Yes, I did. And have felt for years a tremendous amount of gratitude for what God did for the world. And for me. But gratitude isn't anywhere near close to love. Intimacy. Trust.
What I've learned over the last several years is that I am a son of God. I belong to Him. I'm not a slave who has done her best work, and God is very pleased with me - woo hoo! Servant of the month for Becca Davis! No, I'm not a servant, a slave. I'm a son. I eat at the big table with the King. And he doesn't want me to just call him "King". I call him Abba, Father.
So Roger asked me on Sunday what thoughts I had about the sermon. I was excited to say that my biggest thought about the sermon was that I heard it differently than I did 10 years ago. It was so good to experience the Spirit saying "Look, Bec. You know you're a son of God. You know He loves you at your core. You know you don't have to paint a good look on the outside of your skin that covers up the inside. The Father has been pursuing you and transforming your mind so that you don't think like a slave anymore. You think like a son."
Now that's something to be grateful for.
I'm pretty excited about the next few days. I've purchased some good educational and super fun toys for my kids. My hubby is going to get a few things he's been looking at - it will be fun to give to them. We've had a good time looking for ways to give to others. Each year we step that up in our lives brings more and more joy and depth to this Christmas season. (I've a lot more to share but another time - maybe a New Year's post). But the thing I'm most excited about today is the opportunity to celebrate Immanuel - God with Us.
Where would we be if God hadn't sent Christ to save us? And not just to save us from sin and death but also to make us sons of God. And not just sons of God but co-heirs with Christ. There aren't even words to describe how this makes my heart feel now.
I think I wanted to write about this because that I feel and think "differently" is a huge marker in my life. So that's how my heart feels about the truth of Colossians 3:26-4:1 - different. And that word represents healing, freedom, understanding, faith, acceptance, the constant putting off of old ways, the resolve to not let shame rule me, the daily decision to look down deep inside to the core of who I am and look for God sitting there. Waiting to tell me how He sees me. How much He loves me. How He wants to instruct me b/c He cares so much about what I'm doing in His Kingdom. Waiting to tell me I'm a son and get all the inheritance that His other son, Jesus the Christ, gets. What??!!! That is crazy. Crazy, crazy love.
Merry Christmas, to my family and friends, acquaintances and people who randomly found this blog! I just wanted you to know how blessed I am to feel different.