pre March MRI - update to Sterling's FB page

I've been meaning to write this update for a few weeks now. Honestly, I've been putting it off because I'm not sure what to say. Things aren't clear to me so it's pretty hard to share them with others.

Sterling has continued to have 1-3 seizures a day. We started a new medication 2 weeks ago. Haven't seen much difference yet, but it takes several days to tell if the meds are working or not. His mood continues to be... well, I'm not sure what to say here. He is moody, aggressive and easily frustrated. Having never had a 5 year old before we're not quite sure if it's his age or the medicines or just normal acting out as part of the stress he's under. I've spent the last several weeks trying to figure out what it is. In the past 48 hours I think that God has released me from trying to find the cause and instead focusing on trying to love my child. I often what to know the root of problems so that I can deal with them better. Sometimes that helps. But in cases like this - where I think all 3 reasons are contributing to Sterling's moods - knowing the reasons doesn't really help me that much. I still need to be patient with Sterling. I still need to discipline him. Friends we've met through the hospital said it well last week: everyone else is wanting to give our child candy and let her do whatever she wants. But we're trying to parent her like she's going to be around when she's 18 years old.
I needed to hear that! No matter what is causing Sterling's moodiness we need to deal with it and parent him well. But I do miss my sweet Sterling. So I find myself back at Jesus' feet asking once again for wisdom beyond my years and love for my child to nurture him to be the person that God sees him to be.

And here's where I really get stuck on what to say next. It's difficult for me to share personal feelings and thoughts with people who are close to me, much less people I've never met. But I've been encouraged by the Spirit the last few days to share some thoughts in hopes you will pray for us when He prompts you to do so. We find such strength in the Lord through your intercession. That sentence never feels like it's said strong enough to me.

Please pray for;
- continued patience and wisdom for Roger and me as we parent Sterling. I find myself the last few days wondering if i should get the video camera out and tape him playing or laughing or whatever... all with the thought that he might not be able to do those things next year. I know the fears are bubbling up because I'm nervous about the MRI. I don't know what else to do except to confess the fears to God and claim His love and mercy in our lives.
- pray for Sterling as he is trying to process all of this as best he can. He's a great kid and seems to be living his 5 yr old world just fine. but he's not immune to stress in his life or in our house.
- pray for the MRI on March 9th. We're expecting the scan to show that the tumor hasn't changed at all. We've been praying for the tumor to shrink. We think that would be best. But there are times when Roger and I wonder if it's better for the tumor to have grown so that we can move forward with surgery or chemo or whatever it takes to get the remaining tumor out. We feel this the strongest in the moments we're most frustrated with the seizures. There will be no school bus next year or swim class this summer for Sterling. The seizures are beginning to affect his life a little more, and we dislike them so much. At the same time, we start thinking about all the deficits that could come from surgery, and then the seizures don't seem like such a big deal! We'd easily take the seizures every day over Sterling not being Sterling. So my prayer for next Tuesday is that the MRI would be conclusive, the doctors would know best what to do next, and that God would be glorified in our faith.

Thank you for sending emails and messages asking how we're doing. I know this update is long overdue. Thank you for your patience. We will send an update next week as soon as we know definite plans forward.

- becca